‘Cause you’re hot, then you’re cold…

“You’re yes, then you’re no, …” We’ve all been there – when making a decision we are faced with unlimited options or perhaps we just feel indecisive about making a decision. But why is that? Is it really because we are overloaded with options or with decisions? Is it because deep down inside we don’t want to make the wrong choice? Or maybe we don’t really know what we want.

This goes for anything as menial as which kind of bread to buy at the supermarket to something as important as who we give our heart to. Come on now, you know you’ve spent a good five to ten minutes reading labels to figure out which kind of toast to buy.

But ultimately you left the store with something in your basket – whether it was toast or not. And hopefully you found it to be what you like or you decided to try the next option afterwards. 

The point I’m trying to make is that maybe we put too much thought into the menial decisions and not enough thought and care into the more important decisions we face. After all, our perspective changes as soon as we are faced with something dire. Who cares what kind of toast we’ll have in the morning if we face near death tonight?

Perspective is everything. What exactly is it, and where does it come from? It’s the way we see ourselves and the world around us. How we interpret reality, and, in turn, how we make our decisions is greatly affected by this perception. 

Obviously if you find a food is healthy for you, you would choose it over something less healthy. Why? Because you want to be healthy and that desire affects your perception of foods and your decisions regarding what to eat. So, if you want to be in a healthy relationship, you would want to give your time and energy to someone dependable and worthy according to your perception of a good match – perhaps someone who shares your likes and dislikes or, more importantly, your values and beliefs.

Personally, I think relationships don’t last mostly because they are decisions we base on emotion and feelings of the moment more than what we have in common and whether it will last. Think about how many people you know who have “settled” for someone for the sake of their own predicament and look at those who truly are in love. The numbers of one outweigh the other tremendously. So why is it that so few people find their one true love? 

People are in such a rush to compete with each other that they feel they must grab the first one who comes along by a certain age, and then we wonder why it didn’t last. Come on, get real. I, for one, think it much wiser to be alone and happy versus with someone and miserable. 

I believe at least one person should have strong feelings for the other and ideally they would both have these feelings for each other. And even this feeling is no guarantee to last, but your perspective of the relationship – that you want to be committed to it – that will affect your decisions regarding your relationship. That, I beleive, is ultimately the most important part. And if that perspective is cloudy, there may be trouble in the future. This is why it’s so important to know what you want. Without that concrete basis, your decisions will not be as solid and you will be less consistent in your choices.

So I challenge you to ask yourself what it is that you really want before you make any important choices that you may be facing. Look deep down inside you before you decide.


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