Dating in a Lost World

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If you haven’t had the privilege of being a part of the dating scene recently, I really commend you for staying away from the beginning of the end of all we thought we knew. Forget getting past the fear of being vulnerable and getting hurt. Now, the hardest part about dating is finding a decent person to talk to who won’t judge you and will accept you for who you are.

Nowadays, as a majority of people online are just looking for a friends with benefits arrangement or casual sex, finding someone who is really looking for a meaningful relationship is closer to impossible not only because of the sad standards that have become the norm for relationships but also because expectations of those who are looking are unrealistic and skewed. It appears to me that some people who are on dating sites, or are not, have this cookie-cutter approach to finding their “soul-mate” when all they need to do is compromise on what truly isn’t as important (e.g., what kind of car the person drives) and what really matters in a relationship (e.g., character, beliefs, and core values).

It’s such a sad predicament to see that common sense is not the norm when it comes to making decisions these days, especially about who you spend your time connecting with if you even get that far along in the process. I have personally found that most guys who sign up for online dating are looking for some no-strings-attached kind of arrangement when common sense dictates that sex without a meaningful relationship is just giving in to primal emotion and needs. But where does acting on pure emotion get us in this world except confused, lost, and alone?

Furthermore, acting on emotions alone causes us undue stress that can be eliminated by the use of common sense or the faculties of our mind. Think of this: you meet a guy/girl at a bar/restaurant/wherever you may be. You hit it off, meaning you feel the mutual attraction. You choose one of two paths: 1. exchange numbers and start talking, getting to know one another over time before going forward in a relationship, or 2. find a place to get right to the horizontal hula, his place/your place/hotel/motel – doesn’t matter, but you give into your emotions and primal urge. What of the aftermath of each path? Path 1 allows you to discern whether or not this person has your best interest at heart, what his/her intentions are, what kind of personality this person has and whether it fits with your own personality. Path 2 leaves you in limbo. What the heck is the status of this union? Was it a one-time thing? Is there anything deeper? Will it happen again and under what circumstances? What of these feelings you now may develop for this person after being physically intimate without knowing one another? What if he/she doesn’t want more than this and you do? As we can see, there are more questions than answers in taking the second path – questions that lead to more questions… Why not save the headache and drama by thinking through your decision and taking the time to evaluate the situation? Some may say they only want the physical intimacy once in a while and they are able to remove themselves from the aftermath of path 2 without any trouble. However, what kind of life does this practice constitute? What of the emptiness in your heart that develops and grows as time passes? Do you never crave something deeper? I’d like to think that everyone does crave something deeper than a one-night stand – that deep down inside we are all programmed to want much more than that, a true and lasting, meaningful relationship in which we connect with another individual on a higher level than just physicality.

What is your take on today’s dating scene? What do you think about these two paths and why people tend to choose one over the other nowadays? Feel free to share some of your experiences in the comment section.

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