I would like to find true love just as much as anyone, but it seems to me like our society is turning to the wrong places for love. Some are trying to text and email it to one another and others are delving into the black hole of porn. What has happened to us? How can we go back to the days of chivalry and courting? Back to getting to know one another instead of jumping into each other’s pants? And what, if anything, happened to being the right person for someone else instead of looking for the right person for ourselves?
This and much more occupies my mind as an experimenter of online dating (which went very wrong) and a fellow chronically ill person trying to get people to see past my condition to who I really am. There are several hurdles to get through when you meet someone new – even if you’re both healthy – and so much more to consider when you’re not.
Honestly, it’s scarier and more nerve racking to look for love when you’re not healthy because of how vulnerable you have to be to getting hurt and being rejected, which happens most often after revealing the truth about your illness. Revealing it in the most upfront way from the get go, I have found, is the best way to do it because neither party has fallen hard for the other yet and, thus, parting ways is much easier to do.
In that respect, I often feel that I will never get past that stage – never find someone as accepting of others as I am myself, but like I never chose to be ill, I never chose to give up completely. I live my life knowing that it’s likely for me to stay alone, while still wanting and acknowledging the desires of my heart. I wonder sometimes if those desires will ever be met, but I continue to love just to love and not expect anything in return.
Although it’s true that I have a very unique character that takes time to get to know – time that no one wants to invest these days – I still feel that I would have a better chance at finding love if I were healthy. At the least, I wouldn’t have to disclose something so personal and fear being rejected because of it.
At the present moment, I have so much to be grateful for and have learned to enjoy and appreciate it all from family and friends to work and support of all kinds. As I know nothing in this world lasts forever, I am able to ride the roller coaster of life with less stress than I used to, able to let go of things I cannot change. Through the ups and downs, I am able to see the good in every situation and keep myself looking up.
I do feel lonely at times, but who doesn’t?